Toxic positives: 10 things you shouldn’t say when you’re feeling down
“When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark.” ~Unknown
Sitting in pain, whether it’s our own or someone else’s, is hard and uncomfortable.
We don’t like seeing people hurt, especially our loved ones, because we instinctively want them to be better, and we feel powerless when we think we can’t.
We felt we had to do something. We have to say something. We have to somehow pull them out of the dark – and we often try to do that by filling them with light.
We do this to ourselves too, and it devalues us painfully.
«On the bright side!» we might say, forgetting that it’s possible to feel grateful and sad at the same time. Have vision and pain at the same time.
«Don’t be so negative!» we might say. As if expressing or even feeling stronger emotions are bad — like anger, sadness, fear, disappointment, frustration, and anger.
- 1 Toxic Positivity: Just stay positive and things will be fine.
Reality: No matter what your state of mind, nothing is guaranteed, and it’s okay to be fearful and worried about all the things you can’t control. But chances are, it will make you feel better to align your fully understandable idea of everything that could go wrong with your idea of everything that could happen. When you feel better, you will be able to better see opportunities that you may have only seen obstacles before.
2. Toxic positivity: You’ll be fine.
Reality: If you define «good» as not dead, you may be dead. When you want more than just «good» — when you’re willing to stop surviving and thriving in life — it can take a while.
It’s okay to be grieving that you’re «well» all the time, and it’s okay to worry more about the same things over the years. If you allow these feelings, you’ll be better able to do the things that help you heal so that you can finally get out of survival mode and get more out of your life.
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